So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
