I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
please come you make the beer taste better
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
