My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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