Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
