I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
