That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
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if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize