Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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