O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
