I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
