Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
