He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
