I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
