We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
