im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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