he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
