Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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