Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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