I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There r osticjed everywhere
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
