Your face is a jimmy john
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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