like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
