He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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