the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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