I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
