I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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