somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
