I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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