I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
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"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.