i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
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Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.