Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How external is "for external use only"?
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Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"