so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....