He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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