walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
