I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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