3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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