So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
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I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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