There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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