I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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