literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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