Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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