I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We smell like vodka and hangover
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