I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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