Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
