drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
