Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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