I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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