Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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