i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
