you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
