That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
babies were throwing up all over the place
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I supernannyed him into submission
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
