He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize