By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
