If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
