I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
