what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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