Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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