I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
