I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
