based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize