So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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