And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
