Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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