i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I will pee on everything he values.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
