How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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