Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
