Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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