How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
