grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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